day 76. thoughts of detachment.
i'm still having a hard time letting go of things that i should have given up long ago. somehow i've found away to convince myself that my concerns are valid and important. yet, it's funny to think that when i started this trip, i was convinced that a small group of bloggers would have taken a look at this trip and supported it by taking it to the hinterlands of the internet.
instead, i look at my list of supporters and see list of memories - some fun and some pain. i see friends who have stood by me through thick and thin. i see brothers and sisters of battles long passed. i see allies of a battle we all fight in our hearts.
yet, every morning i wake up thinking that i can find that tipping point within the voices of a few. other times, i debate who's really profiting from this endeavor. if i go around the world supporting open concepts and only receive tung and cheek support from community leaders.... i wonder who am i really supporting.
(ok, the other-side of me laughs at the stupidity of this post... i'm on the other-side of the world. i'm venturing to places i've only dreamed. i am further from home than i've ever been. i'm in rural india being eaten by mosquitos and helping out rural NGOs understand the internet. i am in a dream!)
yet, i thought today would be a good idea to dust off my RSS reader and start reading people i stopped reading months ago. it was a mistake. i knew it was a mistake. yet, i did it anyway. after a bit of clicking around, started reading "the a and b list blogger" role and almost vomited.
before i left nyc, i planted many seeds and advocated many more... yet after reading the "west" coast perspective on some of my work, i felt dejected. painfully, i found people harvesting a bland copy of the crop... promoting it and then thinking of it as gold...
when i think of coworking in nyc, i think of many sleepless nights brewing who could help, locations to use and business plans. when beka and i started hosting people, it was a raw space and the idea sound. from meeting to meeting, we advocated a different world - service, *camps, coworking, open source...
now that i'm on the road, i see that i have to let go of many things. yet, i am stuck. i'm stuck in my own head wondering why i seek acceptance from a small group of people whom i don't understand...
so... thank you to all who have contributed and those of you who have contributed multiple times. thank you to all who have taken the leap of faith in attempting to help understand me and the seven topics.
i want to especially thank Doug & Frankie Wheeler. "brother, through thick and thin i see your name in my inbox and i shed a tear. why can't the world have more people like you?"