t minus 12 days - frustration & inspiration

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Speed with 12 days till departure, frustration seems to be my number one enemy...

in many of my other projects, i've always had the luxury of having a peer. now that this internal exploration is around the corner, frustration is the most common recurring emotion. frankly, i'd love to tell you about them...

first, gear preparation. over and over i count the items i have and know that i'm scheduling to take to much. the thoughts of production have enveloped my workflow to make a nervous wreck. without a doubt, the lull moments of preparation are killing me. to be honest, i've never been more scared in my entire life.

confounding these prospects are the responses from couchsurfing.com and the groups.drupal.org admins. both think that this project is not within their scope of promotion nor purview. which of course, only exacerbates thoughts of inadequacies of articulation. constantly, i ponder "what the fuck am i trying to say..." or "if i'm just blabbering on about some meaningless intersection of futility..."

then, when i attempt to say all of this on video, i can't. i get stuck mumbling.

too boot, it is well proven that my social network is meetspace not virtual. despise the fact that this has been a word of mouth campaign and that i think i have been successful at raising funds. i honestly anticipated being closer to $7,777. which also brings about further doubts of articulation.

ahh, then there is the fact that i can't seem to find my tickets for iberia airlines, nor even recall them being sent. this is despite the fact that customer service assures me they were sent but can not seem to locate a tracking number.

...and when all of this frustration has boiled to a point where i'm about to scream, i don't...

the converse of these situations lie within the company of good friends. it's true, you don't know how much something is worth until you loose it. ironically, the pain that first birthed this project is now rekindled. within each moment that passes, my desire to be sedate and amongst loyal, loving friends grows stronger. without a doubt, when i leave on the 7th, i will leave the best group of friends i've had the pleasure knowing.

then there are thoughts of an old love. to be honest, she is the real reason why this trip was conceived. with the heartbreak that enveloped my soul, i leaped into space looking to explore those things i did not know. now after many years, thoughts of her and this trip are tied into one.

i know that i can not escape this love, nor do i know how to bring it back. while my mind escapes in dreams of fancy, my reality around me boils into a gas. everyday is now a struggle. i no longer have the luxury of time.

within a few more days, hours, mins, my life will no longer be the same. now i must nestle myself into the lyrics of kris kristofferson "Freedoms just another word for nothin left to lose." if this trip is about exploring freedom, i must boil my thoughts and set them free.

"i know that i can not escape this love"

From my many years of travel some important things i've learnt:

- Look at it as moving beyond, you will change, things back home won't, people seldom will. Once you realise that, what happens "back there" won't bother you as much.

- Write down why you're doing this trip. Be honest with yourself. And then throw the piece of paper away.

- The past can't help you now. It can only serve as reference. Things will always be different every time.

- Take a million pictures.

Good luck and give me a shout in London.

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on the luck of seven was an open-source, around the world project by noel hidalgo, a new york city based activist, organizer, barcamper and coworker.

for seven months, he traversed the globe. using a new media voodo (blog, vlog, wiki, flickr, couchsurfing, twitter, myspace, dopplr, and facebook), noneck harnessed the collective knowledge of the internet, and report on seven topics of freedom. this trip was funded by 253 people and supported, house, fed, and loved by countless others.

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